Today’s topic from my guest Heleniq A. hits my heart. I recall picking my son up from daycare one day and hearing him tell me he was a bad boy. A friend of mine owned the daycare, and I promptly sent a message relaying my disapproval of using that phrase in any instance.
Behavior can be guided but is not all-consuming of a being big or small.
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“Realize that whatever a child does, we may label as bad, the child is doing the best he can. It’s our job as parents to ﬁnd out why [s/he is] doing it” – Naomi Aldort.
Understanding the meaning behind your child’s behavior is one way for you also to grow. Really when we are “Raising Our Children, we are really also Raising Ourselves.“
Experts say that children want to behave well; if they seem to miss the mark, it’s not without a valid reason. There are deep reasons for all behavior, certain thoughts, and specific feelings drive actions and behaviors. These can become habits over time and some of them may annoy you, but there is always a deeper reason.
How can you find the root of the behavior?
Learn to search for the valid root of negative behavior. We can investigate with questions, quietly observe the habit over time, ask siblings and when it feels right even ask directly what your child is feeling a while after the behavior has happened.
When we know the cause, we can remove it and go about doing the important part – heal the emotions – so the child won’t be driven to behave in that way anymore when we do.
Is your child hitting her sister for your attention?
Maybe you stayed on the phone too long or ignored her as you rushed to get dinner on the table. If so, what correction can you make to your own behavior that will satisfy your child’s need?
Don’t overlook behavior hoping it will pass. Parents may be trying to avoid conflict of confrontation with their child. It could also be that they expect too much. Remember this and try to be consistent with your expectations because parents often overlook a certain behavior in the hope that it will pass.
As Aldort says, “A lot of what we expect of children is unreasonable.”
Alluding to the idea that adults often treat kids like adults but their brains are nowhere developed to have a sense of adult reasoning. So, they cannot perform and deliver various ‘common sense’ actions or understand certain instructions as easily as adults wish. They are often innocent and pure in their impulsive reactions as these are what they need to learn from their environment, trial and error.
A really good place to look for guidance about how to consider the innocence and purity of your child and his or her behavior is in the field of Positive Parenting.
Experts teaching, practicing, and emulating positive discipline are leading example very consciously. Dr. Katharine C. Kersey, the author of “The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline,” says that parents need to model the types of behavior they want their children to emulate.
Another key point is to focus on controlling yourself, not your child.
In serious flare-ups count to 10, taking a deep breath or simply walk away to collect yourself because only when you can manage your stress anger and frustrations can you stop feeding misbehavior. One key turner for this is your voice.
Keeping your voice in check instead of yelling that your child is doing something wrong is extremely helpful, along with various strategies and tips on how to communicate effectively.
By no means an easy feat, parenting requires discipline itself, but most importantly respect for your child’s vulnerability, innocence, and purity.
Try to hone this art of caring with a positive approach and lessen all negativity. It is possible to be a firm and serious parent and loving forgiving at the same time. If you have any confusion about that or queries on how to activate your parenting style to be less harmful or even for support on the journey, get in touch with a professional.
Calming your nerves this way does wonders to your load and ability to parent with respect because really there are No Bad Children.
Get your free Gift “Children’s Behaviour Secrets” How to help us, then to help them grow without damaging their sense of self, without criticism, shame and blame.
Includes two powerful strategies to teach Powerful Skills for Raising Boys; Why you need to stop bribing your child, The energy drain turnaround, Quality time minimums, How and why to redirect, How to talk to them the words to use, and more.
Heleniq is passionate about women. Believing they are leading a new paradigm of leadership for society, she has advocated deeper look into femininity from her student days where she volunteered for South African rape survivors. She presents her insights at conferences in Liverpool, Athens, Holland, India, South Africa, and Cyprus.
She also uses rhythm to elevate women’s’ creative mystery, she deepens her loyalty to women with a continuous study of ‘Feminine Power’, Art of Love and Soulmate Series, Alpha females and women’s’ entrepreneurship with world-famous feminine thought leaders and femininity experts.
For this, she hosts the Women Of Truth X factor group on Facebook, LinkedIn and hosts international Women of truth Conferences and project.
Heleniq Argyrou www.heleniqa.com
Peak Performance Trainer, Heartchild Family Ultimate Peak Performance Program Speaker
email@example.com +357 99238660 / +31611101757 Skype: Ahaintelligence
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I like the idea of not yelling, it never helps the situation at all. Staying calm and conformation is the best way to help a child.
It’s something I work at. I’m a yeller, but it’s not my favorite response. I’ve been doing better, but still room for improvement. Sometimes the 3 of them get to me. lol