“There is no real beauty without some slight imperfection.” ~ James Salter
James’ statement speaks to me on so many levels. I was a perfectionist to a fault growing up. 100 percent. Besides that, I can argue until I’m blue in the face (and half the time I’m still wrong).
Motherhood has absolutely changed me for the better.
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My poor son has my perfectionist tendencies because, well, I was a single mama for 2 years with him and there was a place for everything and everything needed to be in its place.
My husband, bless him, definitely compliments my crazy well with his spontaneity and laid-back personality. I have learned to let a few things go and not have mini panic attacks just because there are clothes stacked up or dishes piling in the sink. Or, goodness forbid, we leave a board game, puzzle, or a toy out for the night.
We had our third child, and last child, in April 2018 (my husband adopted my son a few months after we married).
I look forward to the new lines I’ll get by my eyes, mouth, and in my forehead due to the extra chaos thrown in the mix. My son is much more excited this go round and my daughter was really excited until I think she realized she wouldn’t be the actual baby anymore. Although, she now pats my belly and says it needs to grow for another baby (I’ve assured her many times baby sister is the last for me and daddy).
Small successes.
Let me tell you, if you had told me I would be working from home, juggling the tasks of kids, activities, errands, housework, clients, etc… I would have thought you were nuts. BUT, even on the most difficult days, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love being able to contribute and feel like I have something to call my own that makes me feel important, while still being able to participate in raising them fully and never missing milestones or funny statements.
Here are four of my top tips for learning to accept the imperfections that come with motherhood (new or just new additions):
Embrace help —
It irks me that I have to ask my husband to help, but generally speaking, if I do, he does so without question. I also have a great support system in friends and family, and although I tend not to ask for help often, they are always there with open arms and a readiness that fills my heart. (Once in a while I even pay someone to come clean so I get a bit of a break.)
Every opportunity is a chance to learn —
Sometimes that means I teach my son and daughter what it means to help mommy and daddy with little tasks like putting their shoes away or placing toys back when they’re finished playing with them. Other times, I learn from my kiddos when they need me to take a break and just enjoy a moment with them with my full attention on them (we built with legos yesterday).
Cleaning will ALWAYS be there —
This was tough for me and I used to run myself ragged keeping up with it. Weekends are now general cleaning times. If I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I just take a moment to binge watch a show and put my feet up with a cup of coffee. Then, I can usually knock out the cleaning much quicker than if I force myself to do it in the first place. Yes, it makes my brain feel better when it’s complete, but sometimes I just need to walk away from it before I go ballistic on the fact that I do a majority of it overall.
Grant yourself some grace —
Maybe it helps that my daughter’s middle name is Grace, so, you know, when she’s being a turd and I have to say “Oriana Grace!” I’m constantly reminding myself of this simple notion. But, you are doing a wonderful job! You can only push yourself so much before your body will protest anyhow. So, you may as well just grant yourself a pass once in a while and pat yourself on the back. If your kids laughed a little, ate something (sometimes my daughter chicken pecks and I’m happy if she had a cheese stick that day), and you show your family love, then you had a successful day and deserve to acknowledge that win.
Tomorrow’s a new day and you’ll have super-mom days and super-duper-mom days and sometimes mediocre-mom days. Allow that to be okay.
Take these tips, add your own, use them to work for you. But, never forget, if you are doing your best, then congratulate yourself. Those imperfections will be something to look back on and laugh at, cherish, and miss tremendously as your children grow and change. Enjoy those beautiful memories you’re making!
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And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days. (I’m off to spend the day with the girls before brother gets out for the long weekend.)
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