My guest today, Rosemary, brings a unique perspective on emotions with skills you may not be familiar with. SO much value, I am honored to share a platform for her to spread her message and help parents through her knowledge.
Take it allllllll in…
Motherhood is totally a wild ride of ups and downs and our emotions are a HUGE factor in that. In this post, we’re going to dive into the intense emotions of motherhood we rarely talk about. We will discuss why they are of the utmost importance and what to do when they show up.
Let’s start off by just naming these emotions. There are 5 main emotions of motherhood we typically don’t like and they are: ANGER, FEAR, DEEP SADNESS, ISOLATION, and SHAME. All of these emotions have the likelihood of cycling together and/or being layered on top of one another. Many of us have even experienced all of them AT THE SAME TIME. These emotions are incredibly common, but the tools for how to deal with them… not so common. I am here to help with that!!
THE TRUTH ABOUT EMOTIONS:
When we experience emotions we don’t like, it’s uncomfortable, and it feels like they are a problem we need to solve. Truthfully, our emotions only become a problem when we believe they make up WHO WE ARE. Really, our emotions are just messages. Messages that reveal to us our WANTS and our NEEDS. Some of those wants and needs are so deep and so powerful that the message can feel like it IS us.
If we believe our emotions define us, that means WE are the problem – yikes! Since PEOPLE can’t be problems we’re left trying to solve a problem THAT DOESN’T EXIST. When that happens, the real problem sits there unsolved and festering. It’s an unfortunate cycle that keeps us from moving forward.
I want you to know, mama, that you never were and never are the problem. As stated above people cannot BE problems they can only HAVE problems, and yes, there is a big difference.
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EMOTIONS ARE JUST MESSAGES??
Yes! Emotions are just messages – fantastic, powerful, intelligent messages about what we NEED and WANT. Reading these messages is the key to a satisfying life. A life where you function connected to your INNER GUIDANCE.
What we generally do with an emotion we DON’T LIKE is we try and stuff it down, avoid it, do whatever we can to get it to GO AWAY! But emotions are the most important messages you ever get because they are from your deepest self (your INNER GREATNESS)! And it is SO important for you to ACCEPT and DECODE your messages so you can get your deepest needs met, hold boundaries with ease, and enjoy a deeply satisfying life!
THE TOOLS:
Now we get to the really juicy part – the tools to help you accomplish this accepting and decoding of the emotions in YOUR life!
LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® is the life and parent coaching model I follow and teach. It is amazing for one, because of how SIMPLE its tools are and how EFFECTIVE the results are! Today I’ll teach you a little about the foundational LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® tool called: SAY WHAT YOU SEE® to help you achieve that first and VERY important step of acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean staying in an emotion you don’t like, or being OK with it. It’s about acknowledging reality and getting grounded so you don’t get stuck.
To use this tool, whenever you have an emotion you don’t like, speak to yourself in the second person (“you”) and reflect back to yourself how you are feeling without any additions or any judgment. You note 1) How you feel and 2) What you want.
Like this: “Oooooo! You are just SO MAD right now! It drives you crazy when he does that! You just want to scream!”
Last year after tests for not 1 but 2 types of cancer I was super-fearful! I would wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air, panicking, with a pounding heart. After seeing a therapist 3 times with no respite I took things into my own hands and used LANGUAGE OF LISTENING®. I just said to myself: “You’re really scared right now. You don’t want to die!” A weight lifted off me once I acknowledged how I felt. That opened me up to see the positive side – “You don’t want to die – that’s so perfect! It would feel terrible if you wanted to die! Of course, you want to keep on being here for your girls!” A little more of that and my heart rate went down and I fell peacefully back to sleep!
The second tool, DECODING is important too!
To work on decoding your emotion, sit with that feeling and ask: What need are you trying to help me meet–experience, connection, or power? What exactly are you trying to gain for me?
Once you’ve uncovered the need it’s trying to meet, decide whether or not you like the way you are trying to meet it. (We often have needs from our childhood our heart is still trying to get met for us. Some of our thought and behavior patterns are no longer helpful so letting them go is an important point for growth). Once you recognize the need and the pattern you don’t like, you can start to look for ways to lovingly meet that need in ways you LIKE, ways that won’t keep sending these emotions you aren’t happy about.
Another personal example:
I always felt a certain amount of shame when my house was messy and this yucky feeling would bubble up to force me into cleaning. Finally, I asked myself what those feelings were trying to gain for me. It all came tumbling out – my heart was trying to protect me from my mother’s unkind judgments about my tidiness (or lack-there-of, in her mind) and gain her approval to meet my need for connection. It meant I was never cleaning for me, but only for her, and I did not like that pressure! Once I let my heart know that I no longer needed to be protected from my mother’s judgment and could meet my need for connection in other ways, I was able to fully embrace my love of a tidy space! Now when I clean it’s all for me! Cleaning is so much more enjoyable, and I can show up in my life on my terms, the way I want to.
There you have it, mamas!
Your intense emotions are normal and highly valuable!! They are messages aimed at helping you connect with your deepest needs and wants. No more pushing them away, you can now decode those messages and live connected to your INNER GREATNESS, showing up for your family in ways you LOVE!
Rose Clark is an authorized LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® Life and Parenting Coach who teaches parents skills to find healing through parenting their children and/or reparenting themselves. She specializes in connecting people with the messages of their emotions so they can hold boundaries with ease and show up for their families in ways they LOVE! You can follow her on Instagram @after_aces and join her Empowered Parents Facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/1732344856909528
Please, remember to sign up for my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here!
And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to get ready for my middle baby’s 5th birthday party.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
I’ve been going through the motions of what others have said is a good path for me. Plugging away, creating the content, and feeling fine.
But something felt off.
I was finding success, providing value, but there seemed to be a piece missing.
Then, all the negative thoughts, naysayers, and other Debbie Downer bits showed up.
I began this journey with a specific goal in mind, and I am so close I can taste it. But do I just keep plugging away, head down, or do I raise my head and listen to my heart?
It’s always good to continue pushing your boundaries and stepping out of your comfort zone, right?
We are always learning and growing (I know I am), and part of that is allowing yourself to “dabble” while you discover what it is you enjoy and where you’re the most successful and fulfilled.
For me, that means sticking with my mom-side and helping others step into that confidence in YOUR best version of parenting.
Mom Elevated is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
We are all different, and we should celebrate that not condemn each other for it. I have mommy friends who excel in cleaning and organizing, some who are calm and collected, some who love so deeply and wrap their children in immense understanding… the list goes on.
And while we excel in some areas, we also lean on each other for support in other aspects.
That’s what makes us strong. We don’t judge another part of the group simply because we don’t parent the same or keep our homes the same.
The important part is that we have someone to lean on, commiserate with, and call on when needed.
And we will show up.
We may be teaching our littles, but we are learning all the same along the journey. Our best parenting will not match up exactly, but we can borrow ideas and suggestions and incorporate them as we see fit.
What have you learned from others and added to your arsenal of parenting skills?
I have always loved kids. Whether that means cooking with them, raising them, watching them, redirecting, or seeing what buttons they’ll push that day, I love them. My own or otherwise.
And I think a large part of the puzzle is confidence.
Confidence in:
— your parenting ability — your choices — knowing that mistakes don’t make you a bad parent — that your journey will be unique to you — your best may be someone else’s mediocre some days
All of those will likely waver, but knowing in your heart of hearts that what you’re doing for your kiddos is what you’ve got in you is important.
We have become a very independent, bottle-it-up society… which is great until it isn’t.
It’s okay not to know every little detail of being a parent. Some of it is learning as you go and trusting your gut.
I’m here to give you a boost, teach you some tips and tricks, and help you gain (and keep!) that confidence as you go through each trial and tribulation parenting offers on the daily.
Join me in my new FB group for updates, support, conversations, advice, sharing, and building up with the release of something exciting coming in a week!
Please, remember to sign up for my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here! And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to go to a concert with the hubby while the kids have a sleepover with the grandparents.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
New perspectives captivate me. My new guest provides that. Asmini discusses overcoming a taboo part of life to find her strength and joy.
Mom Elevated is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
You do not want to miss this…
The emotional warmth of the Autumn season has truly filled the corners of my home and the energy of my family is at an all-time high as it’s finally cooling down a bit here in North Texas. The Festival of Lights, or otherwise known as Diwali and the Indian New Year are approaching very quickly.
Growing up in America, celebrating Indian traditions and holidays are among my most cherished memories. It was a time I spent eating homemade specialty foods surrounded by family, love, and laughter. At this time, Indian families around the world welcome the Goddess of wealth and prosperity to light up their path and remove the darkness around them.
Lighting decorative candles and embracing artistic expression are definitely a must right now!
Even still, my mother and grandmother spend many hours creating a renewed atmosphere by refreshing the home and the family temple as well as making delicious homemade Indian treats. I was born in Oklahoma and raised in Texas and have always been a proud Texan, but I am so very proud of my heritage, the Indian culture itself is beautiful, distinct and unique, and is built by men and women of great tenacity, influencing philosophy not only across Southeast Asia but also the world. I look ahead and think about raising my son and creating similar experiences for him and combining them with my very American spirit.
I realize as mothers, we often become so consumed, at times, by what we want them to experience rather than enjoying the moment and letting it become an entirely new version of the tradition for us and for our children while still honoring our own childhood memories.
I encourage myself and all of you to stop and remember as this special season approaches, to be mindful of the fact that all we have is this moment and to allow that to be our joy.
As a single mother of one, this time of year is all about creating new versions of normal. It has been a relatively short amount of time since my ex-husband and I separated, about 2 years, but already feels much longer in some ways. As the saying goes with children, the days are long but the years are short.
Fortunately, we have built a steady co-parenting relationship and it seems to be working well at the moment. It has been so crucial for me to nurture a routine of self-love as I put my opinions and the opinions of others aside and objectively parent in the best interest of my son and in the process, own who I am and own my story. Each day, my son gives me the continued strength I need to be the best version of myself.
In the Indian community that I was raised in, the term, Single Indian Mother, is almost an oxymoron phrase. Living alone, working, being happy, having fun and raising a child with their father, who is no longer the mother’s romantic companion is very taboo and reflects an unacceptable lifestyle in many Indian communities even in modern-day American. A single mother does not mean the obvious, it does not mean raising your child alone forever, it is not a life sentence of unhappiness and failure.
Fortunately, strong, like-minded women continue to rise to the occasion, owning their stories, and making a difference for themselves and their children.
While single parenthood may not be a planned action for most, I look at it as a gift of sorts. No matter what the reason for separation, each woman has the right to her own happiness. Where she is not happy, she does not thrive and as a result, her children may not thrive, and societies may not reach their potential. I am proud to say that I am among the brave who stepped out and created a new paradigm not only for my mental stability, sanity, and peace but for my son’s as well. It was the single most difficult decision I have had to make, and the fear of change, failure, loneliness, or judgment, were just a few of the disrupting emotions that took over my entire being for a short while.
Nonetheless, one day at a time, those emotions left the party, and others joined. Feelings of being brave, vulnerable, strong and acknowledging a sense of accomplishment with the tiniest victories, started to fill the air especially as I intentional made changes to my lifestyle, the people that I surrounded myself with, and the boundaries that I created. It is important to note, that the negative emotions cannot be suppressed, they have to be assessed, accepted, loved so that they can be released! There is no greater happiness than what is felt after you have overcome great difficulties or hardships.
My purpose is to raise awareness to the strength of the women that chose to create a new normal, to fight for their families, to own their lives and empower those very same women to be the best version of themselves and in turn raise amazingly resilient, happy children.
I am a believer of faith and destiny, in that, all things have a reason and if it didn’t break you, it will make you stronger.
Sometimes, I say, jokingly, “I think I’m good, I don’t need the additional strength!” Surprisingly, we don’t have a choice! All jokes aside, the power is already in you, to become a mom elevated! I am very fortunate to be here with you as a guest blogger, thank you for continuing to inspire me and so many other mothers every day.
Take back your life! You only have one.
Signing off and sending you vibes of peace and love.
Asmini
In her blog, Asmini shares about herself and lifestyle as a single mother co-parenting with her son’s father, while working full-time as a Healthcare Professional. She has made it her mission to inspire mothers to revive their inner Goddess and take back their life by anticipating life’s disruptions and learning to work with them rather them against them, by investing in herself: body, mind, and spirit, there is nothing she cannot accomplish.
Please, remember to sign up for my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here! And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to enjoy a movie night and 3-day weekend with the family.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
One key ingredient to creating a strong business is the relationship you establish between you and your client or customer.
Fostering that relationship can be done by numerous paths. I have found the path that works best for me.
My suggestions for 3 ways to have a successful virtual assistant – client relationship are as follows:
🌟 RESPECT
If you have mutual respect for one another, that helps boost self-esteem on both parts and generally makes for a better working relationship. The capabilities of my clients amaze me. Their strengths may not be mine, but I look up to them in some sense in the expertise they hold. I believe that feeling is sensed and helps build the confidence both in that they have in you and in themselves, as well.
🌟 COMMUNICATION
Having open communication will create trust and a bond. If you make a mistake, own it and do better. If there is a misunderstanding, clarify. You can easily fortify or break the rapport by hiding something or being dishonest. When a client asks me a question, I answer with full-disclosure. Maybe I am not the best person for the job, but I may have a referral or am willing to figure it out if they would like me to. Or they need a quick turnaround time that I simply do not have the capacity to honor. At times I may be too much of an open book, but I choose to think that may be an endearing quality.
🌟 DEPENDABILITY
Finding someone who does a good job, fairly quickly, and reliably can seal the deal. You become a right-hand man so-to-speak, and prove how much helping them in their endeavors means to you. If you can do that, that’s invaluable. I put my all into each task in hopes of exceeding expectations. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss the mark sometimes, but I am happy to fix the trajectory to get back on track. Many times, just being a sounding board, growing with a client and their business, and taking on challenges can go a long way.
Mom Elevated is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
When you lead with integrity and produce good work, you will find that respect and good communication will come back to you from your clients naturally!
While these tips are important, there are plenty of other components to a successful virtual assistant:
> creating a clear message
> getting visible online
> creating your offer
> client boundaries
…and so much more!
That’s exactly why my signature program The Fulfilled Virtual Assistant Mentorship covers ALL of this, led by me personally with you 1-1 for 8 weeks.
I want EVERY mama to have the chance to have their life transformed by being able to produce consistent income without having to sacrifice what matters most.
Ready to start? It’ll only take 20-minutes, and it just might change your life <3 >>>START HERE<<<
+ tell me below, which of these three things do you most naturally rock at? Own it, girl, I can’t wait to hear it!
Please, remember to sign up to my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here! And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to finish Avengers End Game and eat popcorn with the fam now.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
I will lead with my clause – some days are better than others. In no way do I follow this exactly every single day.
Family, Fun, and Flaws is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
With that out of the way, I do want to say that I keep myself fairly in check when it comes to deadlines and tasks. This includes what I want to do behind-the-scenes in my business and client work.
As always, I use lists. Checklists, to-dos, bills due, errands to run, school functions, etc. are all included. I prefer to have mine in a planner because there’s something satisfying about physically marking off an item, but I also keep a digital record of client tasks.
Next, the flow.
I use the planner to color-code all the things. If it’s for a child, each child has a specified color (because then at a glance I can usually tell if it’ll be around school hours or during). My husband gets his own color and I have a personal item color in case I have an appointment for myself. Each client has a separate color so I can see who I’ll be focusing on that day. All of this helps me to stay accountable.
Some people use block scheduling, which I love in my brain, but trying to implement actually stresses me out because of the kids being at home interrupting my idea of how the blocks should happen. It’s a spiral that makes me feel like I’m either behind or not doing a good enough job.
After color-coding, I write down everything I need to get done and want to do if time allows.
What this step means for me is that if I knock off all the need to-dos, then I may choose to take a break, go on an adventure with the kiddos, or continue on to the wants. How my day has been derailed dictates the decision. I celebrate the days I check off every item on both the need and want side. Let me be clear, those days are few and far between, but I relish them like the luxury they are, for sure.
Unexpected events will come up (like our youngest disappearing and thinking she needs to try to clean the litter box and put the litter in the kitty food dish thus resulting in an impromptu bathroom cleanup). That’s the name of the game when you work at home with children around. With all the measures in place for staying ahead of deadlines, working ahead when I can, and preparing mentally for the disturbances, I can maintain a steady work pace.
When you fly by the seat of your pants, you can still get the job done, but items start to slip through the cracks or you have more stressful procrastination happening.
I don’t know about you, but there’s enough stress to deal with in my day. Tracking my time for certain clients tends to hold me accountable as well. You are “on the clock” so-to-speak, so you remain focused until that particular duty is completed.
What do you find seems to help maintain a steady work pace when put in place?
Please, remember to sign up to my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here!
And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days. (I’m off to spend the day with the girls before brother gets out for the long weekend.)
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
Summer draws to a close much to our chagrin. I suppose some may be overjoyed to send their tiny destroyers back to school.
Family, Fun, and Flaws is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
For me, it’s bittersweet.
While the fighting drives me batty, I miss having them surrounding me, the flexibility of having the option to stop my day and go for a treat, and not having to be the chauffeur all week numerous times a day.
The oldest will be in 4th grade this year. I’m a bit in denial that the middle one starts Kindergarten next year, but was grateful to get a list of items that I could nearly count on one hand. Hooray! We knocked out his list in two shopping trips (added spontaneously to a grocery run).
Now, everyone has their routines, special school readiness list, and maybe even traditions. This family is no different.
Here are my back to school prep tips:
Little Spurts
When I get the supply list, I look it over and see what may be cheap at the store, which may cost a bit (it seems the older they get, the more expensive every aspect of their lives gets), and which we may have leftover from the previous year. Then, I break it up a bit in the course of the weeks before school so that I budget efficiently and knock out the list without breaking the bank.
Store Together
Whenever an item is purchased for the school year, I stick them in the same bag together (or the backpack if we have that on hand). I let him pick a new backpack each year as a special start to the year with whatever his new taste is for that time. We’ve had Ninja Turtles, Skylanders, Emoji, Pug, and this year was the oh-so-favorite Fortnite. Once it arrives, all supplies and school goodies go directly in the bag so they are ready for the first day of school without worry or rushing around looking for anything missing.
School Schedule
The end of the previous school year, our daughter started preschool, which meant on those days I would be late picking up our son. To prevent tears, panic, and stress, we bought a Gizmo watch for the boy. This way, he can wear it on the days I will be late, he can contact me after school to know how late I will be, and the school doesn’t need to call me wondering if I have forgotten to pick up our child. Knowing how our schedule fits together makes this and other activities run fairly smoothly, and he can wait inside during inclement weather if necessary.
Practice Runs
A few weeks prior to school, we have a camp that he needs to be on time to every morning. This helps us slowly ease back into the up and at ‘em days rather than the leisurely wake on your own volition times. Getting back into the routine of homework, bedtimes, earlier meals, etc. can be quite a rude awakening with an adjustment period. Starting a week or two before the first day may be a good idea. We always go to the open house to meet the new teacher and take some of the fear out of the first day jitters, too.
While these act as a starter pack (get my drift there <<—- and there? Ha) for your back to school prep, the best suggestion I have is simply to take it a day at a time and do what works for you and yours. Toss in some fun while you tackle the to-dos!
What are your going back to school musts?
Please, remember to sign up to my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here!
And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days. (I’m off to spend the day with the girls before brother gets out for the long weekend.)
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
Rose Clark is an authorized LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® Life and Parenting Coach who teaches parents skills to find healing through parenting their children and/or reparenting themselves. She specializes in connecting people with the messages of their emotions so they can hold boundaries with ease and show up for their families in ways they LOVE! You can follow her on Instagram @after_aces and join her Empowered Parents Facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/1732344856909528
