During this quarantine business, lives are shifting and changing. Undoubtedly, you’re feeling a ripple effect of some kind. So, I felt like taking the time to work on at least one aspect you can control may be helpful.
The guest today, Kay Birkner, discusses how a few minor tweaks can make all the difference in your style, wardrobe, and the way you are feeling??
Today’s post is one I am super excited about. Jessica approached me to help spread the word on her beautiful book. I can attest to the fact that it is amazing. Raising children has its challenges, but this has made a positive impact already. My son has been doing the daily pages with me every night, and then my middle daughter started to participate after the first couple of days, as well…
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Do you ever feel like your kids think that you are a magical being that spits out whatever they want?
I have felt that way! The day after Christmas, my kids were already making new lists of all the things they still wanted.
A year or so ago, I got tired of the constant “I want…I want…I want” and wanted to do something about it. It wasn’t my son’s fault; it was mine. I trained him, so I decided I would begin to retrain him. I wanted to teach his brain to see all the things he has, appreciate them, and to be content. I am not saying that it is wrong for our kids to want things, but when does it stop?
At the same time, I noticed that he was beginning to view himself through the eyes of what others thought about him, his accomplishments, and his feelings (whether true or not). I have struggled my entire life with feel worthy and deserving. On the outside, no one would know, but if you were inside my head, you would know!
I regularly said things like,
“What do they think about me?”
“If I do or say this, then what will they say?”
“I can’t say that out loud, that would be humiliating!”
“If they knew how I felt, they wouldn’t love me.”
I began to see the same patterns in my son. I noticed him desiring to be perfect, act perfect, and say the perfect things; the “right” things. The things that I would approve of. The things that I would like. The things that would keep me liking/loving him. He asked me constantly if what he said, thought, or did was ok. Deep down, he was screaming to me the extremely familiar phrase of, “If I do this, say this, feel this, or think this will I still be loveable?”
It was the same reason I, for so much of my life, hid what was actually going on. I didn’t say anything that would rock the boat or make anyone upset. I was who they wanted me to be, not who I really was.
I could not let life continue on like this. I needed my son to know who he was, not based on what others thought of him, but based on what God said about him. It was only through me accepting my identity in Christ that I finally felt I could begin to be myself. I knew that all that mattered was what God thought about me. I was free to live. Free to be. Free to be me. I was loved, no matter what!!
I am not my mistakes or failures. I am a new creation in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am a child of God. 1 John 3:1
I am not a mess. I am a masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10
God accepts me. Romans 8:1
From doing the journal, instead of saying, “I want…” My son says, “Thank you for all I have!” He is beginning to understand that no matter what happens in the world, he is loved, cherished, and designed to be different. He is unique and special. He can be who he is, not who others want him to be. He has seen God answer his prayers and comfort him in ways that I am unable to.
It has given me insight into his world, his fears, his worries, and his joys.
If you think a resource like this could help your children, your nieces, your nephews, your grandkids, your neighbor’s kids, your church, or your youth group get them 25% off at https://www.kidsgratitudejournals.com/25off
I look forward to hearing how it blesses you.
I would love to stay connected.
Instagram @gratitudegiveslife https://www.instagram.com/gratitudegiveslife/
FB page https://www.facebook.com/gratitudegiveslife
Sincerely,
Jessica Lewis
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And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days. (I’m off to enjoy movie night with the kiddos and relax after a long week.)
If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
My guest today, Rosemary, brings a unique perspective on emotions with skills you may not be familiar with. SO much value, I am honored to share a platform for her to spread her message and help parents through her knowledge.
Motherhood is totally a wild ride of ups and downs and our emotions are a HUGE factor in that. In this post, we’re going to dive into the intense emotions of motherhood we rarely talk about. We will discuss why they are of the utmost importance and what to do when they show up.
Let’s start off by just naming these emotions. There are 5 main emotions of motherhood we typically don’t like and they are: ANGER, FEAR, DEEP SADNESS, ISOLATION, and SHAME. All of these emotions have the likelihood of cycling together and/or being layered on top of one another. Many of us have even experienced all of them AT THE SAME TIME. These emotions are incredibly common, but the tools for how to deal with them… not so common. I am here to help with that!!
When we experience emotions we don’t like, it’s uncomfortable, and it feels like they are a problem we need to solve. Truthfully, our emotions only become a problem when we believe they make up WHO WE ARE. Really, our emotions are just messages. Messages that reveal to us our WANTS and our NEEDS. Some of those wants and needs are so deep and so powerful that the message can feel like it IS us.
If we believe our emotions define us, that means WE are the problem – yikes! Since PEOPLE can’t be problems we’re left trying to solve a problem THAT DOESN’T EXIST. When that happens, the real problem sits there unsolved and festering. It’s an unfortunate cycle that keeps us from moving forward.
I want you to know, mama, that you never were and never are the problem. As stated above people cannot BE problems they can only HAVE problems, and yes, there is a big difference.
Yes! Emotions are just messages – fantastic, powerful, intelligent messages about what we NEED and WANT. Reading these messages is the key to a satisfying life. A life where you function connected to your INNER GUIDANCE.
What we generally do with an emotion we DON’T LIKE is we try and stuff it down, avoid it, do whatever we can to get it to GO AWAY! But emotions are the most important messages you ever get because they are from your deepest self (your INNER GREATNESS)! And it is SO important for you to ACCEPT and DECODE your messages so you can get your deepest needs met, hold boundaries with ease, and enjoy a deeply satisfying life!
Now we get to the really juicy part – the tools to help you accomplish this accepting and decoding of the emotions in YOUR life!
LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® is the life and parent coaching model I follow and teach. It is amazing for one, because of how SIMPLE its tools are and how EFFECTIVE the results are! Today I’ll teach you a little about the foundational LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® tool called: SAY WHAT YOU SEE® to help you achieve that first and VERY important step of acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean staying in an emotion you don’t like, or being OK with it. It’s about acknowledging reality and getting grounded so you don’t get stuck.
To use this tool, whenever you have an emotion you don’t like, speak to yourself in the second person (“you”) and reflect back to yourself how you are feeling without any additions or any judgment. You note 1) How you feel and 2) What you want.
Last year after tests for not 1 but 2 types of cancer I was super-fearful! I would wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air, panicking, with a pounding heart. After seeing a therapist 3 times with no respite I took things into my own hands and used LANGUAGE OF LISTENING®. I just said to myself: “You’re really scared right now. You don’t want to die!” A weight lifted off me once I acknowledged how I felt. That opened me up to see the positive side – “You don’t want to die – that’s so perfect! It would feel terrible if you wanted to die! Of course, you want to keep on being here for your girls!” A little more of that and my heart rate went down and I fell peacefully back to sleep!
To work on decoding your emotion, sit with that feeling and ask: What need are you trying to help me meet–experience, connection, or power? What exactly are you trying to gain for me?
Once you’ve uncovered the need it’s trying to meet, decide whether or not you like the way you are trying to meet it. (We often have needs from our childhood our heart is still trying to get met for us. Some of our thought and behavior patterns are no longer helpful so letting them go is an important point for growth). Once you recognize the need and the pattern you don’t like, you can start to look for ways to lovingly meet that need in ways you LIKE, ways that won’t keep sending these emotions you aren’t happy about.
I always felt a certain amount of shame when my house was messy and this yucky feeling would bubble up to force me into cleaning. Finally, I asked myself what those feelings were trying to gain for me. It all came tumbling out – my heart was trying to protect me from my mother’s unkind judgments about my tidiness (or lack-there-of, in her mind) and gain her approval to meet my need for connection. It meant I was never cleaning for me, but only for her, and I did not like that pressure! Once I let my heart know that I no longer needed to be protected from my mother’s judgment and could meet my need for connection in other ways, I was able to fully embrace my love of a tidy space! Now when I clean it’s all for me! Cleaning is so much more enjoyable, and I can show up in my life on my terms, the way I want to.
Your intense emotions are normal and highly valuable!! They are messages aimed at helping you connect with your deepest needs and wants. No more pushing them away, you can now decode those messages and live connected to your INNER GREATNESS, showing up for your family in ways you LOVE!
Rose Clark is an authorized LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® Life and Parenting Coach who teaches parents skills to find healing through parenting their children and/or reparenting themselves. She specializes in connecting people with the messages of their emotions so they can hold boundaries with ease and show up for their families in ways they LOVE! You can follow her on Instagram @after_aces and join her Empowered Parents Facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/1732344856909528
And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to get ready for my middle baby’s 5th birthday party.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
I’ve been going through the motions of what others have said is a good path for me. Plugging away, creating the content, and feeling fine.
I was finding success, providing value, but there seemed to be a piece missing.
Then, all the negative thoughts, naysayers, and other Debbie Downer bits showed up.
I began this journey with a specific goal in mind, and I am so close I can taste it. But do I just keep plugging away, head down, or do I raise my head and listen to my heart?
We are always learning and growing (I know I am), and part of that is allowing yourself to “dabble” while you discover what it is you enjoy and where you’re the most successful and fulfilled.
We are all different, and we should celebrate that not condemn each other for it. I have mommy friends who excel in cleaning and organizing, some who are calm and collected, some who love so deeply and wrap their children in immense understanding… the list goes on.
And while we excel in some areas, we also lean on each other for support in other aspects.
That’s what makes us strong. We don’t judge another part of the group simply because we don’t parent the same or keep our homes the same.
The important part is that we have someone to lean on, commiserate with, and call on when needed.
We may be teaching our littles, but we are learning all the same along the journey. Our best parenting will not match up exactly, but we can borrow ideas and suggestions and incorporate them as we see fit.
What have you learned from others and added to your arsenal of parenting skills?
I have always loved kids. Whether that means cooking with them, raising them, watching them, redirecting, or seeing what buttons they’ll push that day, I love them. My own or otherwise.
— your parenting ability
— your choices
— knowing that mistakes don’t make you a bad parent
— that your journey will be unique to you
— your best may be someone else’s mediocre some days
All of those will likely waver, but knowing in your heart of hearts that what you’re doing for your kiddos is what you’ve got in you is important.
We have become a very independent, bottle-it-up society… which is great until it isn’t.
It’s okay not to know every little detail of being a parent. Some of it is learning as you go and trusting your gut.
I’m here to give you a boost, teach you some tips and tricks, and help you gain (and keep!) that confidence as you go through each trial and tribulation parenting offers on the daily.
Join me in my new FB group for updates, support, conversations, advice, sharing, and building up with the release of something exciting coming in a week!
Click HERE for access to the Mom Elevated Group ——–> https://www.facebook.com/groups/momelevated <———–
Please, remember to sign up for my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here! And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to go to a concert with the hubby while the kids have a sleepover with the grandparents.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
New perspectives captivate me. My new guest provides that. Asmini discusses overcoming a taboo part of life to find her strength and joy.
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The emotional warmth of the Autumn season has truly filled the corners of my home and the energy of my family is at an all-time high as it’s finally cooling down a bit here in North Texas. The Festival of Lights, or otherwise known as Diwali and the Indian New Year are approaching very quickly.
Growing up in America, celebrating Indian traditions and holidays are among my most cherished memories. It was a time I spent eating homemade specialty foods surrounded by family, love, and laughter. At this time, Indian families around the world welcome the Goddess of wealth and prosperity to light up their path and remove the darkness around them.
Even still, my mother and grandmother spend many hours creating a renewed atmosphere by refreshing the home and the family temple as well as making delicious homemade Indian treats. I was born in Oklahoma and raised in Texas and have always been a proud Texan, but I am so very proud of my heritage, the Indian culture itself is beautiful, distinct and unique, and is built by men and women of great tenacity, influencing philosophy not only across Southeast Asia but also the world. I look ahead and think about raising my son and creating similar experiences for him and combining them with my very American spirit.
I realize as mothers, we often become so consumed, at times, by what we want them to experience rather than enjoying the moment and letting it become an entirely new version of the tradition for us and for our children while still honoring our own childhood memories.
As a single mother of one, this time of year is all about creating new versions of normal. It has been a relatively short amount of time since my ex-husband and I separated, about 2 years, but already feels much longer in some ways. As the saying goes with children, the days are long but the years are short.
Fortunately, we have built a steady co-parenting relationship and it seems to be working well at the moment. It has been so crucial for me to nurture a routine of self-love as I put my opinions and the opinions of others aside and objectively parent in the best interest of my son and in the process, own who I am and own my story. Each day, my son gives me the continued strength I need to be the best version of myself.
In the Indian community that I was raised in, the term, Single Indian Mother, is almost an oxymoron phrase. Living alone, working, being happy, having fun and raising a child with their father, who is no longer the mother’s romantic companion is very taboo and reflects an unacceptable lifestyle in many Indian communities even in modern-day American. A single mother does not mean the obvious, it does not mean raising your child alone forever, it is not a life sentence of unhappiness and failure.
While single parenthood may not be a planned action for most, I look at it as a gift of sorts. No matter what the reason for separation, each woman has the right to her own happiness. Where she is not happy, she does not thrive and as a result, her children may not thrive, and societies may not reach their potential. I am proud to say that I am among the brave who stepped out and created a new paradigm not only for my mental stability, sanity, and peace but for my son’s as well. It was the single most difficult decision I have had to make, and the fear of change, failure, loneliness, or judgment, were just a few of the disrupting emotions that took over my entire being for a short while.
Nonetheless, one day at a time, those emotions left the party, and others joined. Feelings of being brave, vulnerable, strong and acknowledging a sense of accomplishment with the tiniest victories, started to fill the air especially as I intentional made changes to my lifestyle, the people that I surrounded myself with, and the boundaries that I created. It is important to note, that the negative emotions cannot be suppressed, they have to be assessed, accepted, loved so that they can be released! There is no greater happiness than what is felt after you have overcome great difficulties or hardships.
My purpose is to raise awareness to the strength of the women that chose to create a new normal, to fight for their families, to own their lives and empower those very same women to be the best version of themselves and in turn raise amazingly resilient, happy children.
Sometimes, I say, jokingly, “I think I’m good, I don’t need the additional strength!” Surprisingly, we don’t have a choice! All jokes aside, the power is already in you, to become a mom elevated! I am very fortunate to be here with you as a guest blogger, thank you for continuing to inspire me and so many other mothers every day.
Take back your life! You only have one.
Asmini
In her blog, Asmini shares about herself and lifestyle as a single mother co-parenting with her son’s father, while working full-time as a Healthcare Professional. She has made it her mission to inspire mothers to revive their inner Goddess and take back their life by anticipating life’s disruptions and learning to work with them rather them against them, by investing in herself: body, mind, and spirit, there is nothing she cannot accomplish.
Please, remember to sign up for my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here! And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to enjoy a movie night and 3-day weekend with the family.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
I had someone reach out and offer this as an anonymous guest post. The piece spoke to me, and I felt it was too important of a topic not to share.
We all have had these thoughts or feelings. Hopefully, in sharing, simply realizing you’re not alone is enough to give you some strength.
Mom Elevated is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
There was a very dark point in my life where I believed this to be true.
From the outside looking in, it made no sense. I had a loyal husband who loved me, the sweetest little girl in the world, we had just bought our forever home the year prior, and I had a flexible, work-from-home career that I enjoyed.
Still, I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in what? It feels silly writing it now but I know there are so many mamas out there who can relate. I was drowning in the housework, the dishes, the laundry, packing lunches, making dinner, gymnastics, piano lessons – the everyday, normal things of life.
At first, it was a passing thought here and there but after a while, I thought it over and over and over in my head all day, every day – “They’d be better off without me”. I swore that if I wasn’t there to forget the clothes in the washer for two days or forget Wacky Wednesday and send my kid to school in normal clothes, they would be better off. If I wasn’t there to yell at my daughter or argue with my husband over what’s for dinner (because the thought of having to make another decision, no matter how minuscule, made me want to pull my hair out), they would be better off. If I wasn’t around to mess all of these things up, the people I loved the most would be better off.
Writing this now, I can see how distorted my thinking was. My thoughts became so dark that I ended up having two-week long stays in an in-patient behavioral health hospital. Having worked in the mental health field as a counselor and diagnostician (fancy word for diagnosing mental health disorders), this was extremely humbling.
With the help of some medication, A LOT of counseling, and the support of my family (especially my husband), I am happy to say that I am no longer in that place. I will always have anxiety to some degree, it’s just who I am. But now I have something else that I didn’t have before – grace.
If I left laundry in the washer for two days, I use to think, “Great, I am so stupid, now I have to wash these same clothes again and I won’t have time to do that other load that needs to be done”. Now? Now, I graciously laugh at my forgetfulness, start another wash cycle, and then LET IT GO. I don’t tell myself how stupid I am or dwell over not having time for the second load. Because you know what? I’m not stupid! (And as far as that second load goes, it can always be done tomorrow.)
If I say something I regret to my husband, I apologize and give myself the same grace he gives me when he forgives me. If I have a hard day at work and come home and yell at my daughter over something silly, I’m honest with her. I tell her, “Mommy was upset about something else, nothing to do with you, I am sorry for yelling at you”. (Surprisingly, she is always understanding and gives me grace as well.) I tell her I love her and she hugs me tight, tells me she loves me too, and then goes back to playing as if nothing happened. And what do I do after that? You got it, give myself grace and try to do better next time.
At the end of the day, I know my family loves me just the same whether the sink is empty or full, whether I cook a well-balanced meal or we run through the Wendy’s drive-thru, and whether they have a clean pair of matching socks or not.
Right now, I’m sitting in Panera, treating myself to an iced coffee. And guess what! I am here ALONE! I love my family more than anything but it is so important to get a break. When I need some alone time or time with friends, I always discuss it with my husband and he always says, “Go”.
Whereas before I was hesitant and felt guilty about going, now, I listen to him. I “go” and I do my best not to feel guilty about leaving him with the messy house, our daughter, and now our three-month-old son. Because you know what? Sometimes they are better off without me.
By being gone for a couple of hours every couple of weeks to have some quiet time or see friends, I am taking care of myself. I come home refreshed and feeling at peace with whatever I walk into (messy house, crying baby, etc.).
Mamas, you have to take care of yourself in order to be the best you can be at taking care of your children. Why do you think when you are on a plane, they tell you that if there was an emergency, you are to first put YOUR oxygen mask on before helping others? Because if you don’t get yourself oxygen, you won’t be able to do anything for anyone else! Doing things for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s loving yourself!
So, as my husband says, “Go”. Go out for a coffee, go for a run, take a bubble bath, go out for a glass of wine – whatever! Just “go”, do what makes you happy! Because as Audrey Hepburn said, “Happy girls are the prettiest”.
Please, remember to sign up for my email list so you never miss anything flawsome around here! And grab your freebie on how to Get Lost in Your Child and really engage with them even on busy days (I’m off to watch CatFish and tend to the sick littles.) If you’d like to work with me, find out how! To see your words in my blog, contact me today for a guest spot!
If you have a little in diapers but aren’t sure which brand may fit the best for their little tush, feel free to try a mixed selection with the Diaper Dabbler!
