This particular guest post really struck me this week. I definitely identify as a ‘yeller’ and love what Vasti has extended in her words. We are all learning and growing, whether that be in parenting or otherwise, and this certainly served as a stepping stone for my own journey.
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Walk through her path and find out more about her keys below…
After more than a decade I still wake up most days wondering if I’m ever going to get a manual to this thing called parenting. There has been more than one occasion I’m sure I was parenting in error.
As parents, it’s so easy to default to using the same approach our parents used, what worked with the first child, or parent out of overwhelm and frustration. When my champion was younger I was a ‘yeller.’ He would do something I clearly told him not to do, it had been a long day at work, and now I’m frustrated.
I start raising my voice at him to get my point across. I had no idea I was doing this until he started to cry in those moments. It was the way my mom got her message across to us. It was one of the most painfully liberating moments I have had in my parenting. I knew this part of me had to die so that I could parent him in the way he deserved and needed.
The journey to discover how I needed to parent him showed me to these five keys:
Parenting your kids for who they will be instead of who they are now shifts everything. The forward lens helps you put into perspective when something is really a big deal or not for that particular child. It also helps guide you on what to expose them to and the skills that you intentionally cultivate. When you see your kids from the end you talk to them differently, love them differently, and parent them differently. It equips you to parent each child for their uniqueness.
The Heart Intention
Understanding the intention of your child’s heart is key in knowing how to address different challenges and celebrations. Whether they are doing something super sweet like kissing you on the cheek just because or making a bad decision to hit their sibling. These are incredible moments to teach our children how to take care of their own heart and express what they truly intended. Our children have tendencies either way and we have to know how to nurture them in the right direction.
Walk in Self-Awareness
Now this one can sting a little bit but it’s worth it. One of the greatest ways we can protect our child’s heart is to be aware of our own areas of growth. If you just left a long day at the office in which your boss truly annoyed you and then your kid does that one thing; we have to be so aware of ourselves that we can exhibit the self-control to not take our frustrations out on our child. On any other day, that one thing probably wouldn’t have even bothered you. I personally learned in these moments to extra cautious to how I engaged with my champion.
We have to give our children room to be exactly who they are however unique that may be within reason. It’s easy to portray expectations on our children because we want them to appear like the neighbors kid, or their previous sibling, or even how we were as a kid. Being caught in the crossfire of expectations like these put our children at a complete disadvantage. When we release expectations we open ourselves to actually learn the person of our children, see their gifts and talents, and parent them for what they need. Allow your only expectation to be that they are being exactly who they are.
Shape their Thinking
One of the biggest opportunities we have as parents is to shape the way our children see themselves, their community, and the world around them. Our voice should be used to write the script on their heart of who they are, the value they bring to our families, and how they can impact the world. In a world that is surrounding our little heartbeats with all the things they are not, we must be the voice that speaks louder than anything else to build them up. Tell your children who they are, what they can be, what it takes to get there so their heart is strengthened to believe in themselves which impacts how they release their heart into the world.
Parenting for your child’s heart is vital to cultivating the character unique to them that will allow them to show up in the fullness of who they are. As we evolve as parents in a new generation that is so full of challenges it’s a necessity to raise our children from the core of their being. When children have been molded and shaped from within they live up to their fullest potential.
Vasti is a wife, mom, and loves HGTV (Chip & Joanna give me life! lol).
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